hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
