If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
