Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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