if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
of course. lets lasso hookers.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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