also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
