is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
