Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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