So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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