Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
