if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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