I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
