If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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