I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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