I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
