Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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