Apparently you make a good broom.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
