Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize