Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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