It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
