why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
