I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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