There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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