I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
