weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
