maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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