dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
