You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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