Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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