You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
