he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
