I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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