my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
