i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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