I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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