i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
