Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize