Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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