her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize