$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
