you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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