in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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