Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
