Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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