God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
