I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
