do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
