Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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