Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
