is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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