I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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