i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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