I'm laying in your front yard are you home
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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