I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
