I will die if light touches me.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
