I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
