all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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