Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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