I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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