booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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