Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
