why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
