you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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