My brain says no but my pants say off.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
