Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
is that a dick in a sweater?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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