I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
