I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
