Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
