The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
