here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
