FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
