Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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