I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Are we still banned from the library?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
