I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
