Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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